When Upon Life's Billows

This is one of those pity parties that I have about 4 times a year. 

The ones where I just hate everything...

  I woke up feeling ok.  Nothing fabulous, and wanted to run on the treadmill but just didn't feel like it.  I hate when I don't exersize.  It makes me feel lazy and fat and guilty.  I didn't take a shower cuz our tub needs some drain-o.  I hate hair!  So I didn't feel pretty cuz I had the day before hair, hair :(  And I didn't "do" my make-up like I usually "do it"...didn't feel pretty at all. 

My clothes were tight.  I used to LOVE tight fitting jeans-ask anyone who knows me.  But lately, not so much.  I need to be comfortable and I didn't feel comfortable when I put my work shirt on.  Yesterday, I had a bad day at work.  I hate work. I forgot to take my lunch.  I left work later than usual.  I hate being late.  AND when I got home, late, my wonderful daughter whom I haven't seen in about 2 weeks wanted me to take her to a friends who I didn't know to a place I hadn't been...I hate strangers and driving somewhere at night where I havne't been.  So I didn't want to.  She was mad.  I was mad.  My husband couldn't talk to me when I called him during my lunchless lunch break...he couldn't talk to me on his way home from work...I wanted to talk to him and I felt lonely...just a bad day. 

I hate being broke, I hate being overweight, I hate that I don't have enough time with my husband, daughters, grand babies. 
I hate not having friends to do stuff with. I hate having to work when I'd rather be home.  I don't have enough hours in the day to get everything done that I want to get done....sigh. 

I just hate everything. 

I took my daughter to her friends.  It went o.k.  I had dinner and filled my tummy.  My husband came home and gave me a big hug. This morning, I prayed to Heavenly Father about my pity party...and as I prayed I realized that I had no reason to be sad or sorry for myself-so I began to give thanks for everything that I had and was grateful for. Toilet paper, friends, my health, my job, his job, my perfectly healthy daughters, son-in-laws, my grandchildren, my parents who joined the church and taught me about the gospel, my sisters, their health and children...my car, my home, my precious things.
Teachers, music, the sun, my bed...My talents, the scriptures...

My Savior, his atonement...his sacrifice, for my imperfections, sins, shortcomings...his love for me, just me...and I became guilty for feeling ungrateful...

And happy to realize just how blessed I really am. 

My pity party ended and my gratitude over took my selfishness and made me overjoyed with the knowledge of all my blessings. 

"When upon life's billows you are tempest-tossed, do not be discouraged thinking all is lost-count your many blessings name them one by one.  And it will surprise you what the Lord has done."

I am thankful for a loving Heavenly Father, that is patient with me.  I have a lot to learn and a long way to go.